Negative emotions can be hard to feel because they don’t feel good. When a negative emotion accosts us it can feel like it steals the self love we are all craving. But I discovered that as I worked with my negative emotions they each had a gift that they brought. I simply had to find it.
When I was afraid it felt like I was living life in the shadow of something. I couldn’t quite figure out what was causing the shadow or how to get out from under it for long.
Inevitably it would steal my sunshine again. I would feel the familiar paralysis of inaction, worst case scenario thinking and emotional withdrawal. I would yell more at the kids, be a shitty communicator with my friends and my spouse, and I was generally angry at the world.
The gift that fear gave me was a coping mechanism with stress: numbness.
It was easier to be numb than to have to deal with being in the shadow and feeling all my negative emotions. I knew that I was only half living but I felt very stuck and didn’t believe in myself much.
I kept trying to sneak out from under that shadow and into the emotional freedom and self love that I craved. The the emotional roller coaster and the onslaught of emotional triggers was crazy and draining but I persevered and discovered the second gift of fear.
It gave me courage.
It was this courage and willingness to believe that feeling better was possible that kept me going. I was hungry for the truth of why my life felt like such a struggle even though I had so much to be happy about and grateful for.
I kept asking questions and finding different answers. Sometimes my inner critic would be quiet for a while and I hoped that it was gone for good. But the monkey mind is tricky and can be triggered back into existence anytime. Any small failure would send me reeling backwards into numbness and paralyze me from trying again for a while. But now I always had the courage to try again.
I tried different things and often felt like I was pushing boulders uphill. Until finally I became so satiated with the pain inside me that I was willing to stop trying and actually do the fucking work. So I did.
This was the third gift I received: conviction that maybe I was worthy enough to implement all I knew and not just learn more things.
I did the mindset and self worth work that I now teach to my clients. What it taught me was that I had life ass backwards.
Yes, there is a shadow of all our fears, conditioning, self imposed limitations, beliefs, and the resulting circumstances. But we are not bound to live under it constantly. In fact, doing the right work and being honest with ourselves guarantees one thing: We start to live in emotional freedom and in the possibilities of life without pain with only an occasional visit from the shadow.
Now I believe that inevitably, the sun will return fully no matter when the shadow shows up. I yell less at my kids and have rebuilt my relationship with them. I am a better friend and more loving wife. I manage my stress easily. I make better decisions. I even eat better and exercise more! (I was surprised at this!)
What made the change finally happen for me was healing my past and having the courage to step into who I was without my pain. I didn’t do it alone. I had mentors and people who I could call on to support me as I took the steps necessary. I had people to cheer me on when I doubted that it was worth it to keep going.
To take the first step that will move you out of your shadow be brutally honest about everything you’re feeling and experiencing and love yourself more, not less, as you feel it. And ask for help.
The final gift that fear inevitably gave me is self love. If I hadn’t been afraid, numb, then courageous, and then believe, I would never have become who I now am.
It’s important to take the first step while knowing that not all the steps are visible at once but that they will show up.
Because of the gifts I received along the way I now get to support successful women and men in their healing. I get to share the gifts that have grown out of my journey with fear.
I am looking for women and men who are ready to do the work and want help finishing healing their past. If you or someone you know wants:
- To know how to handle any emotional triggers that pop up (especially during times of stress)
- Know they no longer have to emotionally withdraw from life or feel the unending onslaught of frustration, sadness, stress, or emptiness
- Have the tools to handle stress in a manageable way
- Communicate more effectively with their spouse, ex-spouse, kids, mother in law, etc
- Forgive themselves for taking so long to get over that fear and finally come out of the shadow
- Create their future more deliberately and with passion
- Believe that they can succeed and that their dreams have meaning and they can have joy in their life
Then I would love to connect and offer my gifts of holding a sacred and non-judgmental healing space and ask the hard questions and find the truth that will lead towards a life of emotional freedom and authentic joy. I also offer support and tangible tools to build the habits and mindset after the healing is finished to make sure you stay on track. Let’s connect. Find me on FB or schedule a free 20 minute call with me to see how I can help.