My tool for dealing with change

Change is inevitable and necessary. In nature if things don’t grow, they die. The flowers and trees don’t think about it, they just grow and change with the seasons.

What makes change hard for humans is our awareness of it.

Our conscious minds prattle on about all the previous times change was difficult, or scary, or how it didn’t out, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah.

It’s our thoughts and beliefs about the changes we experience that create the hardships, not the changes themselves.

This is both good news and bad news. The good news is that our mind is so powerful it can affect our perspective. The bad news is that our mind is so powerful it can affect our perspective.

Soul memo artist kasiaBut the truly good news is that we can learn how to accept and love change. And the key is practicing our thinking in the direction in which we want to move. That’s right…just like a muscle.

In my own experience what I’ve found hard about change, especially the big changes, is the zone of in betweenness. Sometimes it’s short and sometimes it’s very long.

It goes like this:

  • I discover I want to change something in the results I’m getting.
  • I begin laying the new pipes in my thinking and doing the work towards what I want.
  • I begin to feel pulled in two separate directions: the new and the old.
  • It’s chaos for a while and it’s easy to get lost in it because emotions run wild and the mind chatter is incessant.
  • The new takes hold and dilutes the old enough that it no longer affects me.
  • The change is complete and feels like second nature.
We can apply this to sudden and unexpected changes, too.
  • Something happens in our life that changes the normal flow, either an upsetting change (like an accident) or a good one (a move or a new job).
  • In our unsettled emotional state we remember what life was like before the change and yet we also must face the new circumstances.
  • After a while we settle into the new way of life and the change no longer affects us as much.
  • The new way of being is second nature.
Until the next change inevitably comes along.

It’s that zone of in between the old and new that’s the most challenging because it’s where we tend to question and mistrust ourselves the most.

It’s where the reasons why “I shouldn’t,” “I can’t,” “I don’t know how,” “I’m uncomfortable” all live. It’s where we don’t feel safe all of the time and want to run back towards the perceived comfort of the old, even though we know that the old was actually really uncomfortable.

I find this is where I need the most support and structure and daily mindset rituals to get me through because otherwise I will easily backslide into my old ways.

So what tools do I pull out in these times?

I found myself using the same tools over and over whenever I found myself in these zones where my old bullshit was fighting my new direction. I decided to put them together into what I now call a Shitty Day Emergency Kit. It’s the exact set of steps that I follow to navigate the days when change feels really hard and my emotions are wild and I feel like I’m going crazy and don’t know where to begin.

I know that this zone of in betweenness is temporary. And I know that it always happens whether the change is wanted or unwanted. The universe always knows the path of least resistance towards what we want. That path doesn’t always feel comfortable – in fact, it rarely does! But it always passes.

I’m excited to share the Shitty Day Emergency Kit with you. It’s available here and it’s my gift to you! xo

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