Recently I had the sobering thought that I am a grumpy person. Not all the time but sometimes I really am grumpy. I feel safe telling my family I’m grumpy. But I didn’t feel safe telling the world this.
So why am I telling the world now? Because I decided a long time ago that I would be completely honest with myself about how I feel and that no matter what I felt I would love myself through it. This has been really life changing for me. I don’t love the feeling itself, I love myself as I’m feeling it. I also decided to tell the world because I had a really cool aha about this whole being grumpy thing.
You see, I’m also someone who truly believes in possibilities. I am an optimist. I fully believe that the world can change, that we can love ourselves and each other more, that we will figure things out before they get bleaker, and that anything is possible. I will find a silver lining in it no matter what. I believe it’s always there.
I had the fear that if people knew I was a grumpy person they would think stuff about me, judge me, etc, etc, etc. I wanted everyone to only ever think that I was happy and always saw the bright side. But that’s not authentic. I strive to be as happy as possible as often as possible and I love myself no matter what I feel in between.
My aha was that I had the belief that a grumpy person couldn’t also live in possibilities and create beauty and inspire self love in the world. And yet here I am. I believed that if only the world knew how grumpy I could be they wouldn’t believe in my work. And yet I have beautiful clients who have felt more self love through the power of my art.
Admitting to myself that these beliefs lived inside me allowed me to love myself more. It also allowed me to become more authentic and transparent without fear. This has allowed me to reconnect on a deeper level with my work and my purpose. I am here to create beauty and inspire more self love in others. And I’m totally ok with being grumpy sometimes, too!